The Police Don't Get Paid Enough to Deal with this Shit
by I.W.P-chan
Summary: Another day, another operation. It's the Phantom Thieves again, of course nothing goes according to plan. For the police anyway. ShuAkeKita. Genderbent.


Summary: Another day, another operation. It's the Phantom Thieves again, of course nothing goes according to plan. For the police anyway.

 _Note: Things I need to stop doing: writing random one-shots that feel like a slice of a bigger fic._

 **Warnings: We Go Hard And Fast Hold On Tight, Genderbender, Fem!Akechi In A Dress, Fem!Akechi With Red Lipstick, Fem!Akira Can't Keep Her Hands To Herself, And Neither Can Fem!Yusuke, The Police Don't Get Paid Enough To Deal With This Shit.**

 **Disclaimer:** Don't own P5.

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"Ready?" Sae asked and Mitsuki nodded as she looked at herself in the mirror, clad in a cream colored dress that flared around her legs, the red underside peeking whenever she moved with enough speed and force to cause the dress' skirt to flare out even more, the top of her dress hugged her torso until it wrapped around her neck and shoulders like a scarf and trailed down her back like a cape. She adjusted her gray gloves until they fit more snuggly on her hands and then turned to face Sae.

Mitsuki carefully adjusted her bangs and spoke, voice frosty, "Why a seduction plot?"

Sae seemed to share her displeasure, "Because the higher ups noticed how much Joker seems to favor you and want to use that to their advantage tonight."

Mitsuki pressed her red-painted lips into a thin line, "And they think if Joker saw me all dressed up, he'll get sidetracked?"

Mitsuki's tone left no illusion about how stupid she thought the plan was.

"At least you'd still look elegant when Joker makes a mockery out of us tonight."

Mitsuki scoffed and took a white fox mask decorated with red along the edges, and then she carefully placed it on her face, "Let's get this over and done with. The quicker it's over, the earlier I could get back to my girlfriends."

"Why a fox mask? I know you picked it before the plan was made."

"One, you and I both know that Joker is gay for Fox, and so, I could use this as a prank of sorts." Mitsuki smirked lightly, "And two, Fuyumi made it, and you know she's a fan of Fox."

Sae huffed a laugh, "Akechi Mitsuki, the Detective Prince and the thorn in the Phantom Thieves side, is in a committed relationship with two Phans."

Mitsuki waved her off, "Laugh all you want, everyone knows I can't resist them."

.

Before Mitsuki was to insert herself in disguise into the masquerade party hosted by Okumura Kunikazu, the same party the Phantom Thieves planned to crash, she met up with Niijima Makoto, who would be the one handling the communication line with Mitsuki.

"You look stunning, Mitsuki," Makoto said with a hint of a teasing smile playing at her lips, "I'm pretty sure Joker won't be able to resist you."

Mitsuki shook her head and accepted the earpieces offered to her by Makoto, "Please, not you too."

Makoto chuckled lightly, "Alright. Good luck tonight."

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" _Alright._ " Mitsuki's voice came in through the communication line and into Makoto's ear, " _I'm in._ "

"Very well. Do you see anyone suspicious?"

" _So far no one- Oh! Who do we have here?_ "

"Hm?"

" _I think I see a crow._ "

Makoto's back straightened while the offices gathered around her leaned back in their seats in shock.

"Looks like Crow is in on the operation this time."

"Crow." Makoto saw her sister frown as she turned this new piece of information around in her head, "The mysterious member who rarely joins heists."

"But when he does…" One of the officers trailed off.

"Chances of the Thieves failing their heist and getting arrested plummet to almost nonexistent." Makoto frowned, "Do you see any traces of Joker?"

" _No,_ " Mitsuki said, " _But what else did you expect from the Phantom himself?_ "

Sae sighed, "Guess it's too early for him to show himself."

.

Oracle snickered to herself as she watched the security feed, "Look like we have a detective in our midst now, fellas."

"And so it begins." Noir's voice reached her through her headphones.

Oracle chuckled as her fingers tapped away at the keyboard in front of her, "Alright…"

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Mitsuki carefully made sure she didn't frown when the sounds on the other end of her comm line went silent.

"Makoto?" She whispered, "Respond to me. Now."

The comm came back to life but it wasn't Makoto's voice n the other end.

It was a cat.

Someone was playing an audio recording of a cat into the comm line.

Mitsuki exhaled slowly.

The Thieves were on the move.

.

"Shit! We lost contact!" One of the officers hissed as an audio recording of a cat played through their headphones.

"We've lost visual, too," Anther officer groaned as the screen in front of him showed nothing but the Phantom Thieves' logo.

"Get moving!" Sae snapped, "Get get back into contact with Akechi! Now!"

.

" _The police are scrambling. Now, get going!_ "

Crow grinned viciously, "Shows them to send only _one_ person in."

"It's not like they could have sent in more than one," Fox murmured through the earpiece Crow wore, "Our target certainly wouldn't have allowed his party to get crowded with undercover agents."

"Regardless." Crow sniffed imperiously, "A single undercover agent could be overpowered when cut off from potential back up. They could also be impersonated." Crow suppressed a mad cackle, relishing the feeling of walking through the halls unbothered because, as far as the guards were concerned, it was just Akechi Mitsuki doing her own patrol.

And if the aforementioned patrol happened to center around the Thieves' target for the night? Then all the better, it certainly would give the lauded Detective Prince the chance to sniff anyone suspicious getting too close.

Perfect opportunity for Crow to nab their target and leave.

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The operation was a failure.

Makoto took off her headset with a sigh as the screen in front of her played footage directly from the main hall of Okumura's mansion. The thieves had made away with every single important document hidden away in Okumura's safe.

They weren't even tricked by the decoys the police had set up!

Makoto didn't have to look in her sister's direction to feel her simmering anger.

She inwardly winced.

Makoto didn't even want to think of how mad Mitsuki definitely was in that moment.

.

Mitsuki's face was blank when she returned, and her team gave a collective shudder.

The expression on her face meant that they were in for days full of passive-aggressive treatment. Honestly, they would have been better off with her being absolutely furious.

There was only one option: to send her back home for the night and hope she felt better the next morning.

And so, Makoto proceeded to do just that, sending Mitsuki off for the day, and breathing a sigh of relief when Mitsuki complied without a fight.

She prayed Akira and Fuyumi would get Mitsuki to relax.

In the meantime…

Makoto turned to face her sister and found herself on the receiving end of Sae's thoughtful face.

Ah, hell. Makoto was in for a rough night.

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Mitsuki nearly slammed the door to her house behind her and sighed.

"I'm home!" She called out.

"Welcome home." Fuyumi smiled faintly at her as she poked her head through the living room's doorway.

"Welcome home, honey," Akira purred as she draped herself over the kitchen's doorway, letting the hem of her black nightshirt slipup a little and show the red shorts she wore underneath, "What would you like? Dinner, a shower, or Fuyumi and me?"

Mitsuki snorted.

"Dibs on the lipstick!" Fuyumi strode over to Mitsuki and swooped in to press a kiss to her lips.

"Fu. Yu. _Mi!_ " Akira almost whined as she flitted over to Mitsuki and pressed herself against her girlfriend's back. Titling her head up, she pressed a kiss to Mitsuki's neck, and the tips of her fingers trailed across the lines of Mitsuki's dress, "You've done great tonight, Crow," Akira whispered into Mitsuki's ear.

Mitsuki almost shuddered, "Of course I did. Now, get me out of this dress."

Fuyumi hummed as her hands slipped between Akira's and Mitsuki's bodies and found the dress' zipper, "With pleasure."

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End


End file.
